my eyelid and I was getting even harder
great or good or beautiful or wise or strong.
Almighty God! I thank thee for my soul;
& may I never die spiritually into a mere mind
through disease of loneliness.”
more thinner than recall
more seldom than a wave is wet
more frequent than to fail
it is most mad and moonly
and less it shall unbe
than all the sea which only
is deeper than the sea”
door in large letters it said, “This is the next life. Please come
in.” I opened the door. Across the room a bearded man in a
pale-green suit turned to me and said, “Better get ready, we’re
taking the long way.” “Now I’ll wake up,” I thought, but I was
wrong. We began our journey over golden tundra and patches
of ice. Then there was nothing for miles around, and all I could
hear was my heart pumping and pumping so hard I thought I
would die all over again.”
down into it, the hall again
all the same all the dark
down into it and do what must be done
with my body, with the patience
that I do not have
fellow sufferer, fellow sleeper, not-
night boat, little sail
in the slow air in the rounded dark
inside the broken night
in the stitched-together minute
365 x night x 8 (new)
x 8 again (despair, iron)
x 1, x occasional, x rarity (fever, monsters, light)
My poem would eat nothing.
I tried to give it water
but it said no,
Day after day,
I held it up to the light
turning it over,
but it only pressed its lips
more tightly together.
Believe it if you can. Negative space is silly.
When you bang on the wall you have to remember
you’re on both sides of it already but go ahead,
yell at yourself.”
In the silence of consciousness I asked myself:
why did I reject my life? And I answer
Die Erde überwältigt mich:
the earth defeats me.
I have tried to be accurate in this description
in case someone else should follow me. I can verify
that when the sun sets in winter it is
incomparably beautiful and the memory of it
lasts a long time. I think this means
there was no night.
The night was in my head.
I considered taking my life.
I didnt know how to be so young
and not belong anywhere, stuck
among so many perplexing melodies.”
Nobody I know can keep it up.
Late at night there is this fear
of suddenly nothing
which comes out of nowhere.
Everything is turning out just how I expected.”
The wire brush of doubt
Scrape from your heart
All sense of yourself
And your hesitant light.”